I believe… I believe… It’s silly, but I believe

I confess, I love cheesy holiday movies. The other night, the girls and I watched one together and it was lots of fun snuggling beneath our blankets enjoying some time together. However; I must admit it has created some conflict within me.

It was one of those movies in which the message always get to me. The plot consisted of the conflict between those who believe and those who do not believe (in Santa, of course). There was also an underlying message of the importance of love and community, a little sentimental and superficial, but it was there.6545492581_400267e41e_o

But after watching it I’m left with many unanswerable questions. What will watching movies like this teach my children about faith and love? Will it draw them deeper into the life of faith or will it create doubt because it doesn’t really get to the heart of the matter about the depths of faith and love? By not discouraging a belief in the modern notion of Santa Clause, am I only setting them up for a life of skepticism to the intangibles of life?

It’s a common struggle for me as a parent to wonder if what I’m doing with them is honouring or if it will somehow damage them in the future. I long to raise them well but too often I have to apologize to them for not getting it right.

Today, my mind turns back again to those wise words I heard several years ago and hold on for dear life resting in the knowledge that struggling with these questions and concerns are more about me becoming an adult than about my own children’s journeys because ultimately, they have to make their own way. (https://lorijamesblog.wordpress.com/2014/02/02/becoming-human-2/)

So I find myself convicted to surrender once again to God…surrendering the power to control and the ability determine the future of my children.  I find myself needing to trust, comforted in the knowledge that the One who brings all life into being is drawing my children down their own path, always waiting to heal the hurts that even I have caused. So I pray with the psalmist “Restore us, O God of hosts; let your face shine, that we may be saved.” Psalm 80:19.


A quiet hush

3192604250_1e0af988d0_oWe got our first big snowfall last weekend. The kids were quite excited and it was fun watching them discover again all of the things that you can do with newly fallen snow. As I was going about getting lunch ready for the hungry adventurers, I found myself surprised by the longing to don my ski pants and head outside to make fresh prints in the white blanket covering the ground.

You see, as I’m getting older, I’m finding the long winters to be more wearing on me, so it is with a bit of surprise that I’m finding a certain satisfaction with having snow on the ground.

This year seems different because with the snow has come a sensation of a quiet hush which brings out in me a desire to turn inward to the life of the Spirit and pay attention to the restlessness that has haunted me throughout my life. I’m finding that quiet hush to be a call to the sacredness of turning toward God, expecting the fullness of the life of the Spirit in the midst of this everyday life that can be so distracting.

So during the busyness of this advent season, I find I’m yearning for some peace, some silence and a longing to turn again to scripture, to journaling, to reading and to song to centre and direct me as I pay attention again to the restlessness that drives me and at the same time distances me from being truly present in my life.

I haven’t written on my blog in a long time, but during this upcoming season of advent, I want to explore the still small voice inside and reflect on just what it means to be a person who is always waiting and forever longing for those better days when the world is right; when the vast interior landscape no longer overwhelms me with it’s sorrow in the midst of an otherwise satisfying and contented life.

Join me on this journey through advent, and perhaps together we can prepare ourselves for the coming of love into our restlessness and experience the peace of Christ.